Blog

Now

Time swims by like the wind

clear, invisible

Love surrounds the present

Back towards the past, protective

Future created from thoughtful moments

Ever lasting paradise

all created by self. 

Trod through hell and picked up my story

to tell to others,

so that they know that hellfire burns

from our hearts 

and that heavens trumpets 

resound from our soul.

Concious living is a treasure

Accidental existence is a punishment 

for our absent minds 

All of experience

sources from I

How you hold the pearl 

is

your game to play. 

I like to hold it to the sun 

so that rainbows ripple over

its perfection. 

The youth will save this earth

The youth will save this land. 

When the elders and the forefathers hands become too weak to reprimand 

The youth will save their time 

When the sour mothers become too tired to scream

The youth will save their minds

When the cooperations run our desires to the ground 

The youth will pave the line 

Up to the stars and back to home 

The youth know where to go.

Born with fire in their stomachs and kindness in their eyes. 

Understanding in their hearts and greatness in their hands.

The youth will raise these lands. 
Just a little something I wanted to write after watching some young people from all wakes of life play a game of rounders. 

I think theres alot of stuff going on but in the end things always end up evolving. The young people will outlive those who stand in power now. And I think they’re a pretty good bunch. So no worries peeps. Keep up the one love ❤

The thousand faced self

When I go to my friends to hang out, I wear a jokey, alive and snarky face. 

When I head downstairs in my house – where I know my family are sitting, I wear a stoney face, serious with little to no emotion. 

When I go outside in the general public, I wear my resting bitch face, it’s much easier to get shit done with. 

When someone nice approaches me for help or assistance, I often feel my face lighten up, to look as kind and as open as possible. 

When someone dodgy approaches me, you might aswell give me a cap to wear as no eye contact or expressions will be made while conversing with that individual. 

There are many faces to my being. They contort. They change. They shift from one to another as easily as a wave rises and falls. 

When alone who am I. What faces do I make when thoughtful or sad, frustrated or glad. Must one mask be the chosen representative. 

Like water we mold. To the walls that hold us in and around. We make no sound. 

We simply are shapeshifters. 

Mental Health Awareness – A piece I wrote after psychosis

In December 2015 I had experienced something life changing. I have never been through anything like this in my life. It taught me a lot about myself. And more than anything I was reborn with a new humility I have never felt before. In December I was sectioned and treated for psychosis. The worst of it lasted for about two weeks. I got better and was able to go back home right before the new year. 

Coming back home and dealing with such a huge internal scar really shook me. This was a piece I wrote right after the whole shindig;

When you are left raw with nothing but insanity running through your membranes you find yourself not caring about the world that people live in. You create your own manic destiny to which you are the star. You fight and you scream. You make allies and foes. You believe the world to be your own chess game to which your mastermind strategies make you unbeatable. You lie and lie and those you know weep with the loss of who you were. But you didn’t care because who you were was something and someone you weren’t even acquainted too. 
You don’t know that your actions, thoughts, feelings are nothing but erratic personified nightmares of your past. You don’t know that the delusions you so strongly believed in were the blockages of your beaten up down trodden past child who cried for you to listen. She screamed just like you did that night when they grabbed your arms and protected your head as you crashed to rock bottom. Why bother when you had already cracked? 

When a simple story line can protect you from being hurt. When a role in life can stop you from attending to the feeling human within. It’s so much easier being numb. To laugh, to critique, to bitch, to be filled with rage. But when the mind tires of your constant story telling it creates new realities. The glamourized story of a crazy bitch inside prison. It’s what you get for ignoring her for so long. Your young you. The child you never nurtured. The being that bled with scraped knees and bloody hands from being dragged through your mud and then silenced with tape made from your own self-loathing betraying hands. You didn’t want to feel. So don’t

You can’t feel your own scream, the stab of needles or the lies that pass through your teeth. You cannot feel the groaning of your bones as you walk miles upon miles disturbing others as you pass. You don’t notice the looks of bewilderment, the looks of disapproval or the looks of fear. If you felt, mortification would be the only thing experienced. And it’s deserved. So feel now for the child you did not listen to. Feel the shame and guilt as it is what you failed at. You failed your being, your soul. You left her in the cold on a doorstep. 

Retribution is hard. Justice has always been stony. And karma speeds towards you at the strength you pummelled it. Deal with your actions no matter how old or ancient. If it mattered then it will arise and taunt you and play with your heart and mind. Walking past the crossroad you needed to go down won’t save you. It simply gives you a dead end. 

Haha its quite angsty I know but… It’s really how I felt. I felt like my whole life I was shoving down the part of me that was screaming I’m hurting. I felt that I was bigger than being an over emotional child and I should just stay neutral and flat line at all times. It doesn’t matter how I felt it’s much more productive to be cold. 

And that eventually caught up to me. My soul slapped me across the face and said ‘IM TIRED’. 

I think we all go through traumas in our life. No matter how big or small, certain things scar us and never leave. It’s good to deal with it. To be with yourself and understand why it took a huge part of you. It doesn’t matter the who, what, where, why and how. If you’re hurt, you’re hurt. No shame in it. 

To run from those inner demons is the worst thing to do. Because on the darkest night it’s those experiences that are either your souls biggest strength or biggest weakness. 

Stay peaceful peeps, take care of your mind ❤ Know that in whatever you’re going through, you are never alone. 


Life rambles 

Do the motions of life get to you sometimes? 

Welp. They do for me. At this moment of time that is. Living for the sake of living gets quite boring when you don’t have things that truly feed your soul. 

I’ve always been a jack of all trades. Everything I try always results to a decent level of competence. So its difficult for me to pick a certain thing and run with it for the long run. 

All my life I ran with one dream – practising law, and now that I realised it was merely the whole pressure of trying to figure out who you are and what you want to be as a child. That it was merely a perception of whats right in society’s eyes, its like starting from the ground up. 

I hate feeling lost. Ive done a lot of soul searching before and luckily theres a part of me that reassures me that theres no place I need to be but here to learn what I need to learn. It doesn’t shake the fact that I’m still feeling pretty helpless floating in the abyss of things trying to do whatever to try and get my life on track. 

I wouldn’t even know where to start. Theres a vast amount of subjects I’m intereted in, but I’m not interested in getting myself in even more debt with university unless I’m certain I need it to move forward. 

How do people even expect kids to get this right when they’re in school?! I’m 22 and I’m still figuring it out. 

I do get the impression that whatever I’ll be involved in, it will be an evolving career where I don’t just stay behind a cubicle and waste away 6 days a week 9 – 5. What kind of life is that? I see those people and they look miserable. And I already went crazy so I’m not interested in being taken back to the mad house, thankyouverymuch. 

I watched an interview with Mark Cuban once and he said soon in the future it will be degrees like philosophy and creative subjects where the worth will be, as everything will most likely be automated by machines. That makes sense to me. Soon machines will be programmed to do just about anything. But what they can’t do is imitate soul or passion. At least artists and creative people will finally get a break.

I’ve always admired creative people. I love the beauty and the talent they create with their bare hands. To vision something and bring it to life is a blessed thing. Thats why whenever I come across another soul who is stuck in between a crossroad between doing what money gets and what their passion gives them. I would always advise passion. The money will always follow you if you choose your inner greatness and talent. 

I know I’ve gone on quite the tangent but its because if I had one of those God given talents atleast I would have some sort of direction right now. Because I’d be able to take my own advice. But like I said, being a jack of all trades its kinda difficult to take a name out of the hat so to speak. 

The thing I think I have to do is just carry on floating, trying out anything that comes my way. The universe has a funny way of bringing you back home to where you need to be. So I’m going to have faith in that. 

Gotta keep the inner flame alive. If theres one job we gotta keep working for, its keeping our spirit aflame. What else would we be here for? 

Not being miserable and empty thats for sure. 

Why I feel many parents have failed us

I don’t know how your relationship with your parents was but mine was somewhat rocky. 

As with most things with life you don’t know what it was until you look back and have the experience and the knowledge to call it what it was. 

My mother is a kind woman at heart I will stress this now. She’s giving and soft at the centre of her being and I’m big enough to recognise this and see above her mistakes and flaws. I love my mum unconditionally as any child loves their parents despite all the rocky experiences the child has gone through. 
However this is where I think parents have failed in what is meant to be natural. The unconditional love part. Let me explain. 

I have always been a good kid I’d say, I went to school and got good grades, listened to what my parents told me, didn’t play around with boys, didn’t come home late.. You know the whole shabang. However as I got older there became more conditions that I had to reach in able to get the love and respect I deserved from my mother. I went to uni and dropped out. Right after that I suffered from a random blight of psychosis that forced me to go back home and live with my mother and half sister. I worked for a little while, but the whole enviroment stressed me out and I didnt want to push myself again so I left. 
Now because I’m no longer on the respectful path of being a solicitor and no longer getting the piece of prideful paper that is a degree, I no longer am being treated as if I have been striving all my life for something. Now I am a bum in her eyes, a good for nothing who doesn’t do anything worth crediting and who wants nothing to come from my life. To her I am a parasite on this home. 

Parents will love you dearly as long as you jump through the hoops they hold out for you. If you don’t they call you ungrateful cretins who don’t understand how much time, effort and money it takes to raise you. They have forgotten we were created to be ourselves and not a carbon copy of them or what their dreams were supposed to be. Condition after condition you grow up fulfilling then when you slip up and fall they berate you for your inability to do what they say. Nothing is ever good enough. If they say jump and you don’t say how high then God help you. I rarely see parents who help their child blossom into their own space. Parents who let children go at their own pace. Who doesn’t care what society expects and encourages their child to create their own reality instead of molding their kid into the one that already exists. 

I don’t think my mother knows how much it bothers me to deal with her neverending list of judgements. How tiring it is to be constantly berated and compared to every Tom, Dick and Harry who clearly isn’t me and never will be. I shouldn’t have to do anything to get her support. I shouldnt have to check all the things on her list to get her understanding. I shouldn’t have to meet all her conditions to get the love I deserve simply for being her child. 

But I do I really do. 

The only time parents remember that its got nothing to do with grades, jobs or money is when they are reminded that this life is temporary. 

I remember during my psychosis when I was being held down by loads of people screaming ‘leave me alone’ I had looked straight ahead and saw my mothers distraught crying face. I remember when I had been put in a mental institute she was visiting she saw me and cried saying it’s all her fault. 

When I remember these things I know I am her child and nothing on this earth can change that. I know she loves me for simply being that and that most days she simply forgets that. 

If you’re a parent look out for your child and love them for who they are. Most of the time a parent assumes they know everything about their kid. Mine certainly does. But honestly children are pros at hiding the truth. They hide that they’re hurt, they hide that they’re scared, they hide that they’re lonely. They hide it well because most of the time when they try to reach out their feelings are called acting up or misbehaviour. Just trust in your children. Trust that they’ll do what they need to do. Because thats exactly what we did with you.

Greetings 👋

A new path

Hello everyone! My names Sameeha and I’m here to simply voice out who I am. Anyone who relates and can gain a little insight or clarity from my thoughts on things or my experiences in life is really just a plus.

I know theres many people out there with a huge darkness that plagues them. It doesn’t matter what that darkensss consists of whether it be family issues, mental health, bullies or other forms of challenges that life throws at us – its that darkness that makes us believe we’re alone. That loneliness is so hollowing and upsetting that often it can destroy ones soul.

I have been through such challenges and I can relate peeps. Its harrowing. Sometimes the suffering feels eternal. What helped me during those periods was to hear anothers tale and be inspired by their light. One day after trying to follow everyone elses brightness I realised I had my own light to carry. So now I just wish to help carry a beacon. If I can tell you my tales and you can get some sort of direction from it so you can head towards your own inner light then I would be eternally grateful for your open ears and open mindedness.

Everyone has had a time where our wick had been burnt out by lifes relentlessness. I believe its our role as spiritual beings to keep our light aflame so that others can rekindle their own star light.

Its together that our single flames fill up the night sky.